I didn't have a word. My inner life is full of sentences and half-finished paragraphs!
But yesterday, my mind found a word. My word. And from whatever corner it crept, it is perfect. My word is...simplify.
I seriously need to simplify my life. My mind works a mile a minute and I am always full of plans and thoughts and curious questions. It always has been. My mind is always racing off in new directions to pursue the answer to a question, the instructions for a project or a prayer for a friend. I start a new one (question, project or prayer) every ten minutes. So my life is full of LOTS of answers, projects - and friends. :) Thank you, Lord.
All of these are wonderful, but Lord, I'm getting old. My mind is as active as ever, but I can't keep up with it as well anymore. I need to continue finding answers to those questions - that is the heart of my life. And I actually need to increase my prayers for my family and friends. But - I can do without anymore projects. Or committees. Or management duties. The list goes on. And lately it has started to include the most unlikely things. For example, I see that I need less:
- Christmas decorations. Yes, I am finally realizing I don't need to keep every single, solitary ornament I have ever acquired. I unpack and repack them every year and so many don't even make it to daylight anymore! And the time to put them up and dust them and put them away...save me! I understand old people's love for small, silver pseudo-trees. Makes sense.
- Dishes. I have tons of dishes. And glasses. From 30 years of living on my own in various apartments and homes (and marriages), I have accumulated enough dinnerware to feed everyone in my extended family. If I ever invite them to dinner. Which I won't. Because my house is a disaster. I have wine glasses that are still in boxes from my wedding. Eleven years ago! I need professional intervention here.
- Jobs. I need to feel needed, obviously. Because when I know something needs to be done and I could do a fairly adequate job at it, I think "why not?" And then I hear myself committing to organizing the Cub Scout popcorn drive, or administrate the homeschool Religious Ed program at my church, or become Unit Leader with Avon, or...well, you get it. I'm overcommitted and underintelligent. It's not that can't, or that I won't do a good job, it's just that...again (and forgive me for making this point twice)...I'm old. Okay, I'm only 51, but that's probably 20 years older than I would have been able to do all of this successfully. Since I'm still in the throes of raising my last two babies (who are now 8 and 10), I really can't do much else without pushing my limits. If I can finish teaching them school each day, cook dinner and load the dishwasher without dozing off, I'm lucky. So someone make me STOP!
So you see my problem, right? I need less. I find this a problem when I try to do it the "right" way, by making goals, because goals imply "getting" somewhere or "achieving" something. That whole "doing" and "achieving" is what got me in the Big Decoration/Lots of Dishes/MultiJob dilemma in the first place!!
But this is the right time of year to cut back. When people make New Year's Resolutions, they usually use them to cut something out that isn't healthy, right? Lose weight, stop smoking, less drinking. I'm right with them. This year I'm going to cut out everything I don't need. Which, as I see more every year of my life, is a lot. I need less of EVERYTHING. So here goes. My New Year's Resolution. My "word" to live by this year is:
SIMPLIFY.
Maybe next time I could do it in less words, too, huh? ;)
