..and they let me drive a car?!!

Now that I've moved on from the pool hissy fit (which, happily, changed the next day when I just started talking to everyone and *gasp!* they talk back), now I can work on surviving elementary school. Since I've come out of my drug-induced stupor from the summer of back pain, now I have to navigate the elementary school car drop-off lane. This is NOT a pasttime for the faint-hearted! Last year, everyone seemed to have it down to a T - we all did the stop/drop/move dance rather nicely and every morning I never even thought about it. Now, I DREAD it. Our principal from last year retired and our vice-principal took over and I am surprised at how much difference that made. Also - with gas prices soaring and budget cuts, they combined lots of the school bus runs and now the buses are regularly late and come at all different times, instead of clearing out at the same time each morning and letting all the carpool moms drop-off easily. Now - no matter when I go - the busses are coming AND going and it's impossible to find a good place to park. The other moms are just confused, I guess, because there's lots of zigging and zagging around the other cars. Just this morning, I guess while I was keeping my eye on Danny getting out of the car and the bus pulling up behind me, I must have zigged when I should have zagged, because the PE teacher blew out a lung yelling at me as I pulled off the curb. I couldn't see that anything was wrong, but maybe the van I thought was waiting for me to pull out wasn't waiting - and maybe I almost hit it? I don't know, but the first thought I had after the confusion left was "DARN IT - YOU TRY TO DEAL WITH TWO BOYS AND A BABY IN A CRAZY PARKING LOT WHEN YOU'RE 47 AND DEALING WITH MEDICATION SIDE-EFFECTS!!!!".

Somehow, I don't think they'd understand.

The generation gap

OMG I am SO not in my 30s!! There is such a generation gap between them and me. I get caught in the middle because I had my second "set" of kids in my 40s, so now I am surrounded by 30-something first time moms that are SO ANNOYING!! Maybe it's the "first kid" syndrome they have, I don't know. But they just act so entitled. For example, this morning was the first swim lesson for my 6 year old son at the community pool. So I show up early and walk over to the only neighbor I know - and again, get no acknowledgement from her that I exist. I don't even get a chance to get in a quick "hi" because she never stops talking to EVERYONE else at the pool - even waving to others on the other side. Okay....so I get live without that. No problem. Her daughter's class is finished, so she leaves and I gather with the other moms from the class. Well, actually, they gather. They all pull up chairs right next to the pool edge (which we were told not to do) and take pictures of their baby in the water, blah, blah, blah. A little overkill, I think, since the class hasn't even started. The moms waiting for the next class push their overloaded strollers into the baby pool enclosure and they all let their kids in the pool. Now, we all know the pool isn't open to the public at this early hour of the morning, so I wonder why they feel exempt from this rule while I keep my younger son out. I feel a little vindicated when the lifeguard does come over 5 minutes later and tells them to get out, but still....the whole attitude of "I'll do what I want until I'm told not to" just doesn't sit well with me.
Sometimes I feel bad I don't "gel" well with my neighbors, but then this kind of thing happens again and I understand myself and just figure that's the way it is going to be now that I'm an older mom. I just don't understand this younger generation :) lol

2Do before I die....am I done?

While reading the book "2Do Before I Die", I realized that all the stories about things "to be done" were written by 20- and 30-somethings. I struck me that these were kids - how could they know how it feels to be desperate to make sure you get everything done before you die. And then I realized I had done the same thing - when I was 32, I got out of my dead marriage and dead life. I bagged the whole thing and started living. I did some things that wreaked havoc on my life and my relationships, but when I look back now, I realized I was doing my "2Do" list back then. I 1) found the love of my life and waited for him to marry me, regardless of the cost, 2) flew to London at the spur of the moment just because I had to leave my life 3) sang karaoke with my girlfriend in a bar 4) took ballet lessons- again 5) resolved my feelings about my high school sweetheart 5) vacationed wherever I wanted, including Hawaii, the Bahamas, a cruise, St. Thomas, the mountains, the beach and a monastery 6) lost weight when I wanted 7) got married again before 40 and 8) had my sons, both after i turned 40.

What else is left? It seems like my list now is so small if you take away all the "repeat" things that I was to redo. I vacilate between feeling grateful that I did all those 2Do things and sadness that they are already done and I am past that point in my life. Or do I just need to figure out what those new things are? If I try to make a list now, I find myself just wanting to do (or be able to do) the things I did when I was younger that made me feel good. Not easy when I'm dealing with health battles that leave me feeling 80 and wishing for the retirement home. But I'll try, damn it, I'll try. I'll keep trying to make that list - and do that list - until I'm too tired to write, type or think. At least I hope so.

Does everyone have a book to write?

I have walked around my whole life, composing letters, anecdotes and short stories
in my head. Does anyone (or everyone) do this? The minute I try to write them down
I am struck down by the same disgraphic dysfunction that Kelly wrestles with - the
thoughts, complete sentences, just disappear into a typed melange that I never
mused over for a minute.

The weirdest part is - I don't know who I'm writing it for. I usually cringe when I read
what I've written....and I don't have any other audience that I know of....so why am I
writing (and pre-writing in my head) again?! lol

An Examined Life?

I just finished reading the wonderful book Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert. What a wonderful book! And I didn't even know it was in Oprah's Book Club...lol...not that I care. Am I the only 40-something who is SO tired of Oprah? Especially when she's never even had a child. How many women can she really relate to at her age by not experiencing that? I really like her, but she lost me when she made fun of mothers on a "fashion" segment by dissing "mall moms" in our comfortable dresses and flat shoes. Has SHE ever had to chase a toddler around all day? I'm sure SHE'D try it in Jimmy Choo's! lol

Anyway, reading about Elizabeth Gilbert's journey brought up so many thoughts that I'm trying again to find a place for them. Writing never seems to work - the thoughts flow when I'm thinking about them, but disappear when I try to put them on paper. It made me realize how many lives I have lived, how many experiences I have had and how many things I have to say - and I think I could even do it without discussing my significant other! I may give it a try :)

So THIS is the flu.....><

Okay, so now I know why they want old people and babies to get the flu vaccine. I get it. I'm old and I need it. Blech. I used to get these little winter gripes and have my fever for 24 hours, then be up and weak, but functioning. So today I'm working on day 7 and still hocking up stuff I won't gross you out by describing. Got the fever, the aches, the headache, blah blah blah....and I'm READY for it to be OVER, GOD!! Doesn't help that hubby and the boys (ages 4 and 5) were all stuck down as well. What a fun house we are this weekend - not :(

I guess this explains the infernal joint pain this morning - or was it from doing those modified Sun Salutations yesterday? Dang it, I will NOT have this much pain from those silly stretches. I am off right now to run another set....I will NOT AGE GRACEFULLY!

Hot or not?

Can I be perimenopausal if I don't have any symptoms? I swear that I am ready - please, Lord, no more babies! - but the monthly marauder keeps visiting me as regular as clockwork. I have so many of the other symptoms - and God knows I feel about 80 - but the fertility clock just keeps on ticking. Can I buy out now? I'm ready! How can someone who feels so crickety be so fertile!?! God has GOT to be kidding if he sent me a baby now - although I was ready 5 years ago and, hence, my last baby joined our family much to my joy. But now??? Cripes...

I did my yoga stretches this morning as best I could. My old age version of the Sun Salutation. I remember so clearly when it seemed silly to have a whole range of asanas - I could do anything, my body could bend anyway and all the postures seemed easy and superfluous. At that point in my life, in my mid twenties with one child, a full time job and an unhappy marriage, the best part of yoga class was disappearing into the child pose or prone asana and let my tension disappear. I REMEMBER it so well....my body is no longer my own. I have creaky squeaky painful joints where I used to bend in half. Sigh. My body craves yoga. It subconsciously begs me for it. Why don't I do it regularly like I used to? Because it hurts. Because it's hard now. Silly, huh? When it was so easy, I did it daily for years and enjoyed it. Now that I NEED it and my body loves it (when I'm finished I feel 5 years younger), I put it off. Well, I am working to change that. Thanks to Flylady (at www.flylady.net), I've learned I can do anything for 15 minutes and if I attach it to a daily routine it will become part of my life, so I will find a way to add it for a few minutes in the morning and at night. I never thought I'd have a clean house, shiny sink, decluttered closet and actually do a morning and night skincare routine - and I do now - so I know I can do this. I know I can, I know I can, I know I can.....is it working yet? :)

I'll talk about the waist management issues later...ugh..but at least with that, I know it's very attainable. I've done it, I can do it, I will do it. It's just a matter of being ready. Holidays are always hard since Mom died. Every Christmas since she passed three years ago, I have eaten and shopped my way though the holidays and ended up with extra weight and clothes to start off each year. At least this year it was less. I love ya, Mom :)