First of all, let me make this very clear that this posting is a rant. This is just advance warning to anyone who is in a wonderful, mellow, "let's drink green tea and chant" sort of mood - get out now. Quickly. I am having a menopausal meltdown day and all my frustration has to come out somewhere - so here we go!!
Today, I woke up to an impossibility. I GAINED weight overnight. Now, let me explain why this is SUPPOSED to be an impossibility. We lose weight at night. Documented fact. A fact I rely upon - heavily - especially the night before weigh-in at Weight Watchers. I did eat a heavy snack before dinner time, so I skipped dinner. No, I didn't eat too few calories. Trust me. AND I worked out at the gym yesterday. And slept a full night. So I happily tripped to the scale this morning thinking I'd have a mental "pat on the back" - and got biotch-slapped hard in the rump.
For a woman of my well-ripened years, there are few joys we can still count on and knowing we will step on the scale lighter in the morning is one of them. AND IT WAS TAKEN AWAY TODAY! Argh. Threw my whole day off. Started me on the road of thinking "why did this happen", which when you are 51 is NOT a safe road to travel.
I found lots of articles explaining why weight gain, especially around the waistline (my personal hell), is almost universal with women at this age. I read the normal "less calories, more exercise" articles. Then I started reading more horrific research findings, such as:
1. Women lose the urge to be active as they get older. This was tied into research that "less estrogen = less urge to move". (Ask any woman with a couch potato estrogen-free husband and they'll probably agree :). Personally, I know this is true. I NEEDED to move and do things when I was younger. Now I daydream about the end of the day when I can just REST.
2. Weight loss equals no more desserts - ever. Women with the most successful long-term weight loss/stability gave up sweets, desserts and sugar drinks. Permanently. I have three weddings to go to this year. Kill me now.
3. Older women have a lower resting metabolism. Meaning when I was younger, I was even burning more calories doing NOTHING. I'm so screwed here....
This age would be hard on me, anyway. I've never had a "real" problem with my weight and was always able to get back to Weight Watchers, knuckle down, do a few more Jazzercise classes and I'd feel okay. Maybe I never was runway-ready, but I was okay. Now..I..am...not..okay. Because to complete today's rant, I always throw myself a little pity party right about this time. As if it isn't hard enough to fight Mother Nature and try to hang onto my body at an impossible time, I get to add the lovely complications of an autoimmune disease that fights me every time I work out a "wee bit" more than a little - and a backbone that is held together by screws and wires. I don't move as well as I used to. Parts of my right leg are numb as a result and will never get their feeling back - hence my lovely lack of balance (which makes my favorite form of exercise - dancing - sort of a non-contender at this point). And while I'm trying to regain the muscle mass I've lost over these last couple years since I had surgery, I have to worry that straining my back too hard recuperating will blow out the adjacent vertebrae in my back - a very real and VERY common occurrence after a spinal fusion like mine.
So, there it is. My rant, my frustration, my personal day of hell. Now, to be honest, this only happens once a month or so (wink) and I have wonderful friends who are going through health issues that make this sound superficial and vain, but so be it.
What happened to the days when being a Grandma at 51 meant you could spend your days putting around your empty (clean and neat) house baking cookies just in case your kids dropped by with the grandchildren? When do I get to relax and not worry about this? When can I get old and fat and sit in my rocking chair and let my hair go grey??
Over my dead body, that's when. :)
